In the year that King Uzziah died I saw the Lord sitting upon a throne, high and lifted up; and his train filled the temple. Above him stood the seraphim; each had six wings: with two he covered his face, and with two he covered his feet, and with two he flew. And one called to another and said:
"Holy, holy, holy is the LORD of hosts;
the whole earth is full of his glory."
And the foundations of the thresholds shook at the voice of him who called, and the house was filled with smoke. And I said: "Woe is me! For I am lost; for I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips; for my eyes have seen the King, the LORD of hosts!"
Then flew one of the seraphim to me, having in his hand a burning coal which he had taken with tongs from the altar. And he touched my mouth, and said: "Behold, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away, and your sin forgiven." And I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?" Then I said, "Here am I! Send me." Isaiah 6:1–8 (RSV)
'Here am I! Send me.' I was so eager to go. I hadn't thought of anything else since high school. I was going to be a pastor. I had some very vague ideas about what that meant, mostly preaching on Sunday morning and wearing a black shirt with a white tab instead of a necktie.
I arrived at Luther Seminary in the Fall of 1973. It did not take too long for me to realize how little I knew and how much work was in front of me. Hebrew, Greek, Church History, Pastoral Care, preaching, liturgics, how to make a hospital call, and more all lay in my future. I wish I could say I was a stellar student, but I wasn't. There were more than a few times when quitting seemed reasonable. 'Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?' was the question that would not let me give up. "Here am I! Send me."
There is no amount of study that can prepare you for the parish. I had an outstanding education at Luther. I give God thanks to this day for what I was taught. I am profoundly grateful for the professors whose faith blessed my faith. So many gifts for ministry, yet one is never prepared for parish ministry. Still, 'Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?' "Here am I! Send me."
I had not eaten my first meal in our new home in the parsonage of Maple Lake Lutheran Parish when I was on my way to meet with a family on the death of a loved one. Greeting parishioners as they came for worship on my first Sunday, one looked me up and down, shook his head, muttered, 'Awful young' as he entered the church. I sat in the kitchen across the table from a bleary-eyed member who had more booze that day than food. His wife in tears, their children huddle fearfully in the hallway as we tried to find a way for his life to turn around. Proclaiming the words of institution for the congregation to hear, I then placed in their hands the Body of Christ and with it gave them all the treasures of the Father's mercy. 'Whom shall I send and who will go for us?' "Here am I! Send me."
It has been forty-three years since that verse from the prophet Isaiah graced the cover of my ordination bulletin. I have been privileged to serve in so many ways. Baptisms, First Communions, Confirmations, weddings, hospital visits, funerals, joys, and tragedies all have fallen to my care. I have wept with the heart-broken. I have danced at weddings and driven in the small hours of the morning to a hospital two hours away, praying I will be there in time. I have seen the beauty of humans caring for one another and the ugliness of a soul so consumed with anger that it could be demonic.
I turned seventy less than a month ago. I am often asked, 'when do you think you will retire?' I have wondered that as well, then comes the question, 'Whom shall I send and who will go for us?' My heart stills answers, "Here am I! Send me."